The Moment Noah Went Wrong in “Nobody Wants This”

When it comes to obvious incompatibilities, avoidance isn’t a good tactic.

Spoiler Alert: I will discuss plot points from the show Nobody Wants This in this post. If you haven’t seen it, you may want to watch it first and read this after.

Nobody Wants This is the rom-com series we’ve all been waiting for. When Joanne (Kristen Bell) meets Noah Roklov (Adam Brody), their chemistry is immediate. But Joanne is a podcaster who talks openly about sex and love, while Noah is a rabbi with some clear expectations for whom he’ll marry. Their respective families aren’t supportive of their relationship, and Joanne and Noah must navigate how to foster and protect their new partnership while also seeing if they have a future.

In my previous post, I highlighted two great love lessons from this show. Noah and Joanne are vulnerable, excellent communicators, and put their relationship first in many situations. However, there is one glaring problem in this relationship, and it’s how Noah handles (or rather, doesn’t handle) the obvious relationship roadblock that he needs to marry someone of his faith, and Joanne isn’t Jewish.

Confront Incompatibilities Early

Noah and Joanne have one big problem: he’s a rabbi, and she’s not Jewish. As a leader in his religious community being tapped for Head Rabbi, Noah must marry a Jewish woman. His career and reputation depend on it. And while he knows this, he sets that problem aside when he falls for Joanne. They both coyly address this issue at first, but not in a real way, with all cards on the table and a discussion about what changes or sacrifices might be necessary to make this work.

This is where Noah made a big mistake. Joanne wasn’t religious and would have no idea that marrying a Jewish woman was critical for Noah. It was Noah’s responsibility to actually address this issue at the onset of dating or as soon as their relationship became something more than very casual. Not just the casual, “Are you even a little Jewish? Like, an aunt or great grandmother or a forged document?” he asked the night they met.

People should know the big barriers they’d have to overcome to be together, and for much of this show, Joanne is largely in the dark. She knows people don’t approve of her because she’s not Jewish, but she doesn’t understand that her relationship’s future depends on her religion.

It’s Okay (Good, Even!) to Have The Awkward Conversation

Later in the season, Noah’s brother Sasha (Timothy Simons) reprimands Noah for asking Joanne if she’d convert to Judaism after “only a few months” of dating, but that’s the wrong take. Asking a person you’ve only recently started seeing if they’d convert to a new religion for you is a big ask, I know. And it would probably feel awkward and “too soon” to have that conversation. But just like couples who feel uncomfortable bringing up the topic of kids, not addressing critical needs can lead to a belated discovery of huge incompatibilities that cause significant problems, resentments, or unnecessarily painful breakups/divorces.

If you’re with someone who wants to have children more than anything, but you are positive that you don’t, this needs to be discussed. If you’re only living on the East Coast for a job and will be moving back to California to be closer to family in a few years, your partner needs to know that. And if you’re religious and you need your partner to be of the same faith, you have to have that conversation. Avoiding the elephant in the room doesn’t make it go away.

Their Problem Remains Unsolved

I don’t blame Noah and Joanne for sidestepping the issue of faith. They were dealing with issues on many other fronts, from Morgan’s judgment to Rebecca’s looming presence to Esther’s biting dislike of their relationship to Bina’s open disapproval—and it took consistent effort to protect and foster their bond. Once they dealt with the more acute issue of getting their families on board, they then had space to navigate what Noah’s faith meant for their relationship.

However, this problem is far from solved. Joanne points out that converting isn’t a quick and easy fix for either of them, that she’s not ready to convert just yet, and that Noah “can’t have both” things: the Head Rabbi position and Joanne. Noah seems to choose Joanne when he kisses her in the last episode, but it’s not clear what will happen.

Will he give up his dream of being Head Rabbi? He’d need to let it go without resentment, and then find a new goal that gives him a sense of belonging and purpose. Or will the community tolerate an agnostic Joanne being in his life? And even if she does convert, they’ll face challenges. Not having been raised Jewish and understanding the community’s practices and expectations, she’ll misstep, a lot, and that will have consequences for Noah (and thus, for their relationship). Plus, Joanne could resent if her unintentional gaffes continue to be a constant source of tension in their relationship even after she’s converted, as it was this season when Joanne wasn’t Jewish.

But, overlooking this issue (just like Noah and Joanne did for most of the show), viewers witnessed self-growth for both characters as they worked to create a loving relationship. Doing this work helped them grow closer and create a stronger union. Noah and Joanne communicate, admit flaws and fears, accept responsibility, and are unwaveringly receptive to each other.

And yes, they have a big problem to solve, but that’s also realistic; two people creating a shared life usually encounter significant challenges. It’s a good example of how even the best relationships require hard emotional and relational work. If it’s renewed for a second season, I hope we continue to see them doing that hard work, and that it leads to a joyful, meaningful, and secure relationship.